Is moving away running away?

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Permalink Reply by Cathy Ingham on April 10, 2008 at 1:13pm

Hi Kimberley,

I can soooo relate to your struggle. THe fact that you are struggling with it means you are really 'up to something big'.... I think it's ok to crawl back into a hole once in a while, but remember to come back up for air!
I am in the lucky position to have a country 'get away' place (with a small 300 sq.ft. cabin) and a place in a large city (Houston) although not downtown. Although I have been tempted to head for the hills, I think that the little get away place would lose it's charm if I was there all the time. If you love the things your city offers - such as arts, culture, restaurants, AND the opportunity to use your talents to help others there, maybe you can look at a way to re-tool your life in a way that will allow you to do those things you love and still take a break from it once in a while. As always, change is difficult to implement because of all the fears of 'losing' what you have now - like a steady pay check, etc... Believe me, a steady pay check is a good thing, but maybe there is a more congruent way for you to have that AND have your heart's desires too. You will find your answers if you allow yourself the quiet time to NOT think about it - really :)

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Permalink Reply by Lucy Garrick on March 13, 2008 at 4:34pm

It depends on why you're moving. If you are moving toward something, it's a good thing. If you're moving to avoid something, you might want to look at that a little deeper to understand if you will find what you're seeking from moving at all.

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Permalink Reply by Jodee on March 13, 2008 at 8:52pm

Hi Kimberley,
I noticed on one of your other discussions that you have kids. My advice that I would like to add, is to do what you want to do deep in your heart, and do it now. With only one chance to live your life with your kids, you must not let it pass you by. They grow up and move out so quickly, as mine did! I have regrets. Don't let this happen to you. If you have values and lessons you want to be sure and teach them, do it. Take the time, make the move, what ever it takes, do it now. The time you have now is so very precious. They may hate the idea, but if you love it and live it, they will learn it and it will become a part of them, like you intend. I have seen my kids leave, and then come back to what we lived together. I just wish I could have shared more with them. Go for it!...Enjoy!

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Permalink Reply by Kimberley on April 10, 2008 at 11:19am

Ah, the kids. Yes, I have an almost 7 year old, an almost 10 year old and an almost 16 year old. I really feel like it is in their best interest to become acquainted with the wild, while I still have time to help them discover it, but moving them out of their urban environment and into a rural setting will surely feel as unsettling as moving to a completely different country. I grew up in the suburbs but still had incredible access to wild spaces. They do not. How do I even consider moving them at this incredibly delicate and important time of their lives? Am I doing more harm than good? I am tearing up right now just thinking about how little I know about what is best for them.

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Permalink Reply by NaTasha Shastan Bertrand on September 13, 2008 at 12:50am

Hi Kimberly,
I am new here, and just reading this now.

Move them. It will have it's challenges, yes. These are really gifts. It will teach them some important lesson: they are adaptable, they can begin again, moving is not the end of the world, etc. All of life is delicate, all of life is strong, there is no not delicate time. However, it is easier to learn new lessons when you are young.

Are there retreats you can go on as a family to connect with wild places? This might be a compromise, or a stepping stone.

Blessings,
NSB - who learned how to make a leap of faith, and has been through two international moves, with kid in tow.

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Permalink Reply by TC on March 14, 2008 at 9:39am

I left the Big City 10 years ago and found myself more active in local change then ever. What does your heart say? Do you have a strong local community that is active in the process of turning the city around? When I was facing a similar conundrum, I focused on the word responsibility ~ the ability to respond. Now, to what is up to you. What is it you would like to respond to?

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Permalink Reply by Chantal on March 26, 2008 at 2:31pm

Kimberley, it's so healthy to be asking yourself these questions!

Cities are like people to me (Invisible Cities, anyone?) and capable of change through the nurturing of energy and nurturing of innovative citizens. Running *from* a city is just like running from a friend to me. Sometimes, the change of heart needs be made within.

Then again, sometimes one has toxic friendships that must be left behind.

Have you read The Geography of Nowhere by Howard Kunstler?

Kunstler’s novel The Geography of Nowhere served as a wake-up call for citizens to reinvent the places where we live and work, to build communities that are once again worthy of our affection. Kunstler proposes that by reviving civic art and civic life, we will rediscover public virtue and a new vision of the common good. "The future will require us to build better places," Kunstler says, "or the future will belong to other people in other societies."

To me, fleeing our cities is not the answer. Though clearly there are a multiplicity of opinions, I feel as though recognizing our human interdependency as well as the value and energy efficiency of physically proximal societies is the key to solving many of our cultural ills.

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Permalink Reply by Brenda on March 26, 2008 at 8:25pm

I've lived in the city and the country. I do know that a stronger sense of community existed in the smallest town I've lived in. It may have been because we lived at an elevation of 3,500 feet with only 350 people in the Sierra Mountains, and it was more isolated. We lived there for 5 years and I could leave my doors unlocked, keys in my car, walk everywhere in safety except when the bears and mountain lions came out late summer/early winters. There was always a sense of peacefulness living in the mountains because I could hear the trees blowing softly and the river constantly running, a comforting sound. There wasn't the constant rushing around nor the noise of traffic and I was at my most creative self without distractions. Jobs were scarce and the only ones found were working with the county, school or Caltrans. One thing you could depend on was your neighbors, friends or others in the community when you really needed help with anything from shoveling snow to picking up groceries if you were sick. Its the only town I've lived in where people still smile and wave to each other driving by, and where the latest gossip is shared at the hardware store. I felt closer to the stars at night being able to see them clearly being at that elevation without pollution and the fresh smell of pine trees everywhere. These wonderful sensory things of nature one cannot ever experience in the city and it is well worth your move, if this is your longing. I do agree with Chantal about creating your own community and having "a change of heart within." This exists wherever we choose to move and make our home.

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Permalink Reply by Kimberley on April 10, 2008 at 11:23am

Oh my god, you are so right. Cities do have personalities and the one I live in is really so compelling in so many ways. I live in Houston, which is truly the belly of the beast on all the issues the Bioneers hold dear. This is such an ugly industrial city...but there are tiny little pockets of hope and beauty springing up in completely unexpected places. I love that. It feels like this could be a "phoenix from the ashes" kind of story, but I am afraid of the fire before the regeneration.

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Permalink Reply by erinely on March 27, 2008 at 8:57am

Hi Kimberley,
I don't profess to have any great knowledge about any of this. This is a good place to start, by putting your question out to the larger community. I think there are a lot of great minds here and many have already answered your question.

The question you pose is a tough one. I believe you can make great changes no matter where you are. In my own mind, the beginning starts with a consciousness about wanting something to be different.

Are you truly "running away", what is your "responsibility" to the "city". I personally do not see this as being irresponsible. If you do move away, what's to say you will not go back there and live again some day? You know people do things like that all the time, move away and come back because they found a renewed sense of energy and enthusiasm to do something different.

There are some great examples of people doing amazing things in "industrial cities". One of the great stories was told last year at Bioneers by Majora Carter. If you go to Bioneers website, you can buy the DVD of her plenary speaker presentation, she did some amazing things in her city.

I do believe that unless your heart is really into it, then it will not work for you to stay out a sense of guilt. Perhaps this is not your way you will make a change on the world.

We don't know what we don't know, if that makes any sense. So if you believe that, then moving away may not be as irresponsible as you may think it is.

I think that each movement or change we make will influence the world, no matter where, when, or who we are.

I believe that, if you want to stay and make changes you will know if that is the right thing for you after you have had time to reflect on it. It's the heart, that can lead you, I believe this. If you can get away from relying on your rational, analytical, intellect and allow your authentic self (your heart and intuition) to lead you, you will find the answer within yourself.

Warm regards,
Erin

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Permalink Reply by Anna N Kaschner on April 9, 2008 at 4:59am

Hi there. I recently graduated from a new Organic Farming program at MSU, and this question came up a lot- our state seems to be struggling economically, and in terms of environmental awareness and proactivity, sometimes I feel like we are the absolute last state to pay any damn attention at all. My class often discussed what we would like to do after graduation, and if we would stay in MI, because it needs so much help! I can only say what I feel is right for me, and hope this helps you to come to a decision you are happy with.

If I were to stay in Lansing, where I currently live (and despise), I would only being doing it out of guilt. I am not prepared to be a martyr for our race. I would rather move out of the city, where I am supremely unhappy, and go to a more peaceful and clean place where I can gather my thoughts easier and work more efficiently towards change in ways that will affect the entire state, and in turn hopefully affect the cities as well.

Bottom line is that you aren't going to 'turn the city around' single-handedly. Don't leave the job for someone else, but stay connected by maybe doing a newsletter or some other satellite project that doesn't require you to hit the streets. How far are you going? There are lots of jobs for an activist, even if they don't live in the immediate area.

And really consider what YOU want. Will you be happier in the country? What will you accomplish? How will it impact you spiritually? It is your life, and no one else's, so you are the only one who needs to make choices. So many people choose based on someone else, and that is utterly ridiculous- make this experience YOURS and no one else's.

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Permalink Reply by Afriendof B on April 9, 2008 at 9:14am

I think that being where you are "supremely unhappy" will never work. We can't solve these problems that stem from our way of living by acting out of guilt. Find that place, cause, group that makes you supremely happy and spend your life there.

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